So this week I’ve broached the subject of sex, porn and Children’s Ministry, but I mostly opened the conversation about parent driven sex talks and resources. I haven’t said much about pornography though. Hopefully, thorough parent-driven sex talks will address pornography and prepare kids for when they’ll be exposed to it. However, is there a way for the church to help address this problem more intentionally?

The numbers speak for themselves. 12-18 year olds are significant consumers of pornography. The average age of first exposure is eight. All of us have children in our ministries who are being exposed to porn and many are developing addictions. Many of these kids are already caught int he trap. They’re lured back to it time and time again because of their new-found appetite, but they’re also carrying this shame and guilt they’ve never carried before. At such a young age with their entire lives ahead of them, they’re already trapped in the devil’s most powerful snare.

I understand this in a very real way. I was one of these young kids exposed way to early. This uncontrollable appetite got the best of me and I carried guilt and shame and it severely tainted a very sweet relationship with the Lord I’d had since I was four or five. It was at a summer camp as a 5th grader where I felt the conviction of the holy spirit and I confessed to a leader and wept my eyes out. It was so freeing for me.

But a lot of little boys don’t get that chance. A lot of boys don’t take that step of courage (I’m kind of surprised I even did it) to confess their dirty secret. Is there a way we can be more intentional in helping both boys and girls who are struggling with this?

I know that at times I speak to kids and my talk with come around to media or stuff like that. I’ll sometimes say something like, “Some of you’ve been listening to music that you know isn’t good for you and it doesn’t honor God. Some of you’ve been watching TV or movies that you know your parents would not let you watch. Some of you have seen stuff on the computer that you know was wrong…” But to that degree, that’s the furthest I’ll go with it. It’s kind of vague. My hope is that the kids struggling with the beginnings of a porn addiction will identify and will respond to what I’m asking them to do. But I feel that this isn’t enough.

I don’t want to have a flat out porn talk, I don’t feel it’s our place. Really, it’s for the parents. However, are there ways we can be more direct without exposing kids who’ve not been affected by this to something they don’t need to know? In a small group, can a leader address the group of boys saying something like, “Some of you have seen some stuff that you know doesn’t honor God at all. You know that your parents wouldn’t want you to see it and if Jesus was sitting beside you, you’d be embarrassed. Maybe it was a video or even pictures, but you’ve seen them and there’s a part of you that wants to see it again, but another part of you that’s really ashamed or even guilty. You need to know that it’s not right to look at this, but you don’t need to live under guilt and shame. You don’t need to feel that God doesn’t want to be your friend because you kind of want to look at that stuff again. However, you need help to not look at it again and you don’t need to walk down that road by yourself. You might want to think about talking to someone, possibly your mom or dad… or even me.”

I feel that as a 3rd or 4th graders struggling with my guilt, I really needed someone to challenge me, to encourage me and even draw me out. Ultimately I obeyed God’s prompting, but how many kids out there need an adult in their life saying, “you’re not alone, God still loves you and there are people who want to help you.” In my heart I just feel this message of hope and healing needs to be communicated and more than just one or two times a year. How many times is there a great opportunity to share, but we don’t because the conversation is too risky or the level of comfort is too high.

I’m curious though as to what you think? Is this too heavy? To what ends have you communicated this message? The church absolutely needs to empower parents, but to what degree can the church lead on on this?

In my lower elementary rooms, I usually use boardgames and things like that. In the older elementary rooms we have foosball tables as well as video game stations (something the younger kids look forward to). I thought I’d share some of the resources I use at Gateway as well as some games and activities I’ve been looking at getting.

DDR Dance Pads: I got two of these for a little over $400. I picked up a PS2 off of Craigslist for $50 or so. Great deal and the girls love it!

Professional Foosball Table: I bought two of these last year. They’re not cheap ($875) but they’re beautiful and incredibly sturdy. They’re not going to fall apart on you.

Giant Connect Four Game: The younger kids enjoy this game, why not make it a little larger than life.

Giant Jenga Game: This game is a lot of fun for kids of all ages, but what if the tower is almost as tall as some of your kids? That’s fun!

Giant Game of Spoons: Spoons is one of the best games ever invented. Your kids will love it!

Giant Tic-Tac-Toe: It’s not as huge as some of the other games, but the younger kids will enjoy this one.

Giant Pick Up Sticks: A lot of your kids probably haven’t ever heard of this game. Be the first to teach them this classic from the times before video games.

Lego Base Plates: Although I tend to pick up legos off of Craigslist or Amazon, these giant base plates are hard to find. Stick them on a table or even a wall and watch your boys create.

HalfPenny Board: I’ve never heard of this game, but played games like this in school all the time on my desk with a friend. It’s simple and elegant, but I have a feeling that the boys will get hours and hours of fun out of this game.

• Group Games: in the biggest room we have we’ll do active games like relay races, dodge ball, and any other fun game that engages all the kids.
• Movie & Snack Room: In this room the kids will watch a 30 minute movie while pigging out on snacks.
• Video Game Room: This room will have all kinds of video games set up, enough so that every kid can play a game or at least won’t have to wait longer than one turn.
• Make-Your-Own-Movie Room: This room would have a video camera and a box full of props. Kids will have 30 minutes to make a movie that we’ll show at a later time.
• Scavenger Hunt activity: Kids race against the clock (30 minutes) to complete a scavenger hunt.
• Craft room: We’ll do a really cool craft that all the kids will like.
• Inflatable bounce and games room: I don’t think I have to explain this one.
• Whatever else kind of room you can think of.

With five or six rotations like this, this will keep things going until after midnight. At this point we may do a giant group game. In the past I’ve done a scavenger hunt/race that will literally wear the kids out. I’ve also done several games of sardines that the kids love and could play all night long.

Usually by 1:00 to 1:30, I’ll start getting the youngest kids ready to settle down for the night. We’ll let them get their sleeping bags and pillows all set up in the room they’ll be in and then gather all the youngest ones for a flashlight story (or glowstick story works well too). During this time, the older kids will continue with another activity. Eventually we’ll get the younger ones to settle down, pop in a DVD and turn the lights out. Most of the kids will be asleep in 20 minutes or less, but the rest can enjoy a movie. After the older kids wrap up their final activities (maybe more time on the bounces, video games or whatever) they’ll come in and settle down as well. We’ll turn out the lights for them and put a DVD on for them as well. By this time it’s close to 2:00 to 2:30.

By 6:30 AM, we start waking up the kids. They pack up, take their stuff to the lobby and go to the place they’ll eat breakfast. For breakfast they’ll eat fruit, cereal or maybe just pop tarts. Easy is good. While the kids are eating, fresh volunteer come in to clean. Since all the kids things are packed and in the lobby, my volunteers can clean the rooms and get everything ready for the weekend. I try to plan this so that parents are coming to pick up their kids right from breakfast so that I don’t have to program anything else for the morning when we’re all tired.

First of all, every minute of the lock-in must be scheduled. Your volunteers want a plan. They love a plan. The idea of being with all these kids all night scares them. They think in their heads, “what am I going to do with these kids all night?” However, when you give them their schedule which outlines a different activity to attend with their kids every thirty minutes, they can get excited about that. The kids don’t have to know the schedule. It can be an adventure for them, something new and crazy every thirty minutes.

Second of all, don’t do a lock-in without guidelines. Be very clear on your guidelines. I post the guidelines on the registration page for the lock-in. After they register, I include the guidelines in all their paperwork that parents have to sign. I train the volunteers in the guidelines so they know how to keep their kids in line and what to do if kids get out of hand. Last of all, I personally go over the guidelines with all the kids before the lock-in gets started. I make sure that they clearly understand what they can and cannot do and what will happen if they break guidelines. To most people, my consequences are pretty strict. However, we rarely have to enforce them becasue the kids know the guidelines and they stay in line. It’s more fun that way.

I found that it took me the most time to establish policies, guidelines and scheduled for that first lock-in. However, once it was done, preparing for the next lock-in was easy. I just tweak the schedule and adjust my guidelines if our activities warrant it. I was starting from scratch though. Now it’s easy to borrow from someone else and tweak it to make it your own. I’ll post all of my stuff later which you are free to take and use.

The ingredient is… FUN!

Okay, that sounds kinda obvious and cheesy, but I say it for a reason. I’ve seen a lot of church’s suck all the fun (or most of the fun) right out of an event like this. I’ll tell you what the fun-suckers tend to be.

1. Over spiritualizing the event. Just because your event is a church event doesn’t mean you need to program it into a VBS/Sunday School/Kids Church filled event. I’m not saying any of those things aren’t fun. I’m just challenging you to the idea that you can gather a group of kids at your church and not do ANYTHING overtly spiritual. I actually think that the quality of relationships built while having fun may be significantly more powerful than any kind of “lesson” you want to teach the kids. At most of my lock-ins we’ll say a prayer to open things up and we’ll pray before eating breakfast, but that’s in. It’s my belief that if the kids like the lock-in enough, they’ll be drawn in to engage where things are a little more spiritual.
2. Don’t play it safe. Be extreme! Think about things that kids LOVE to do and program the event around those things. Usually this involves being loud, partaking in sugary snacks and doing stuff they don’t get to do at home. I’m not advocating dangerous activities here, just do something different that what you do on Sunday. I like to tell people that we’re not just going to have fun at the lock-in, we’re going to have “stupid” fun. We’re going to get the kids as wired and riled up as possible. We’re going to feed them candy well past midnight (maybe even give them some for breakfast). We’re going to let them run and play until they drop. Most importantly, we’re not going to make anyone go to sleep. Yeah, you’ll get some parents to roll their eyes, but the kids are going to have so much fun, most of your parents are going to become true fans.

Here’s the thing. Fun isn’t really the ingredient. It’s the goal. In everything you do, “think fun!” Don’t be reasonable, “think fun!”

This scares many of you. Don’t worry, my lock-ins are not wild and crazy free-for-alls. Rather, they are well planned and highly structured. This way the kids still have fun, but they stay safe and it keeps things easy for my leaders. More on that tomorrow.

So why do I hate them? They’re so FREAKIN’ long! Now that I’m in my 30′s, it takes me a week to recover. By the time it’s over, I just want parents to not be late so I can go home and fall asleep on my couch. Yes, this is selfish, but it’s a perfectly acceptable reason to hate lock-ins.

Why do I love them? Because kids FREAKIN’ love them! When we announce that we’re doing a lock-in, about half the kids wet their pants with excitement. Almost every kids loves a sleep over and the idea of doing this at church is just extra cool. Throw in some amazing activities and you’ll have nearly uncontainable excitement.

Beyond that there are several other reasons I do lock-ins.

1. They provide a jump-start of excitement into your ministry. All kids can get into a routine. Sometimes our ministries can as well. Something fun like a lock-in can generate some excitement and energy around your ministry (if you’re depending solely on lock-ins and events to energize your ministry, there’s a bigger issue though).
2. They’re a great connection point for your kids. The average kid attends church 40 hours a year (I think the average kid at my church is much less). Connecting kids to other kids as well as kids to their leaders is a huge benefit to lock-ins. The 10-13 hours of the lock-in equals 25-50% of the time a small group leader might spend with that child all year. Doing an event like a lock-in at the start of a school year might be a great catalyst for relational growth/
3. They’re great for building teams. I treasure this time with my volunteers and leaders. You don’t really know a volunteer until you’ve seen them amped up on sugar at 3 AM. The fun conversations, games and times spent with your volunteers during the event and while the kids are sleeping is so valuable.
4. They’re great for recruiting new volunteers. Every time I do a lock-in I seem to grab a few new volunteers. Sometime it is that really protective parent who MUST come as a helper becasue they don’t want to part with their child for the night who ends up becoming a volunteer by the end of the night (it’s that connecting part and team building part that does it). I also have many parents get excited about being a part of something that their kids are so excited about.

Like I said, I have a love/hate relationship with lock-in (I really love them a lot more than I hate them). Whether at a big church or small church, I’ll plan one once a year. Check in tomorrow to see my recipe for lock-in success.

I’m going to include how we plan, what resources we use, how much they cost and everything else you might want to know. I’ve got a lot of information and I don’t think I’ve really blogged much about my lock-ins up to this point. So, if you’re interested in taking a peak behind the curtain, tune in to the posts this week about lock-ins.

I’ll be honest. I’m still really wrestling with what we’re going to do here at Gateway. For us to prevent kids to be baptized when it’s happening spontaneously like this seems very anti-Gateway. I don’t feel comfortable with it. However I must admit that every day I think about this, I dislike doing what we’re doing even more. I think I’ve narrowed it down and reached a conclusion on what is most important.

I feel it might be dangerous to allow kids to decide to get baptized because they feel like it the day we’re doing it as a church. That’s right, dangerous. Don’t get me wrong. There are some kids who come up to get baptized and they’ve made a genuine decisions and this was the day they decided to be baptized. However, I don’t think it is the majority.

Here’s the danger. So, a child wants to get baptized. Well, we have people there to meet with that child and talk with them. Often times the person meeting with the child leads them to faith or does the best they can to explain it. What’s dangerous is that we’ve placed our focus on them getting baptized, not their decisions to become a slave to Christ! “Oh, you’ve never asked Jesus to be your Lord and savior? Let’s do that real quick so you can get baptized.” God forbid they miss out on being baptized. Let’s convert ‘em real quick.

Shouldn’t our focus be on their decision to become a Christ Follower? I spend the first five minutes of my class teaching the kids that baptism is something you do as a result of deciding to follow Christ. I also repeat many times that the baptism isn’t nearly as important as this decision. We’ll do more baptisms. Don’t rush this decisions. Baptism can wait. I’m not saying that this is related in any way, but why do we wonder that 70+ percent of our kids abandon their faith when they leave home? Did you hear that? 70+ percent of our kids walk away from their faith when they leave for college. Do you think it’s because we’re elevating baptism above a commitment to Christ? It’s nothing for us to see hundreds of kids come to faith in a year. Woo hoo! That’s awesome! But I think I’d be satisfied to see half that number make this decision if I knew that they really, really, really got it.

Here’s my sticking point. When I walk out of the baptism class, I walk out knowing that they got it. They really got it. Some parents write on their response form “not sure they have made a decision.” That’s great. At least we know where they stand. Let’s not baptize them yet. Let’s make sure they got it.

Really, what’s most important?

I met with a 9 year old girl for about 30 minutes to talk about baptism (she couldn’t make any of the classes). She knew lot’s about faith, but hadn’t ever made a decision to follow Christ. So, it was cool to pray with her and her mom and she was subsequently very excited to get baptized. I baptized her at one service and a set of twins at the next.  At the North Campus I baptized four or five kids and assisted two sets of parents in baptizing their kids.

Glorious!

We actually didn’t have any last minute kids show up. Every kid who was baptized had gone through the baptism class, which made me feel much better.

Well, I have 3 more baptism classes set up for this summer with one last baptism in August/September. We won’t make any more changes for this one, but I’m looking to do some more tweaking for next year.

So, here’s what’s on the agenda for the future:

A post baptism class:
We had a baptism in April where about 15-20 kids were baptized without attend the class. I’m thinking of offering a post baptism class just to see who we can get to come out. It won’t be our normal baptism class since these kids have already been baptized. However, there’s a great opportunity to give them tools to develop spiritual disciplines. I’ll have ot think about this one.

Pre-baptism class assignment/Baptism class tweak:
Okay, I love the baptism class and there is little that I want to change. As I wrote in my last post, I specifically cover the ABCs of becoming a Christ follower. the kids really connect with the presentation and as a result, many kids make decisions to follow Christ. However, for the last year or two I’ve been burdened. I feel like I’m leaving an important component out. With the ABC’s I cover the fact that we sin and that Jesus died for our sins, but I don’t feel like the kids really get why we need saving from our sins. It’s easy to talk about how Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but sometimes we don’t really elaborate the real problem our sin causes and why we so desperately need Jesus to save us. However, the baptism class is already a 60 minute class and I’m not sure I want to add another 15 minutes covering this and I dont’ plan to add another class. However, I could create a pre-baptism class assignment. Maybe a downloadable lesson kids can do with their parents or even some video driven content as well. By next summer I want to have this piece in place.

Post baptism process:
I really want to develop a “what’s next” process. Baptism isn’t the end. However, too many parents and kids kinda check-off their spiritual check list with baptism. I want to have a followup to the baptism class where kids and parents learn about spending time with God, growing in their relationship with God and maybe even preparing for communion. I know that attendance for something like this will probably be less than for my baptism class, but I’ll have to figure out how to communicate the vision for what we’re doing and apply the proper motivation.

Well, that’s it. Let me know if you have any ideas, thought or comments! Don’t just lurk!

So, here’s what it looks like. I set up the room with round tables with 6-8 chairs per table. Families or multiple families sit around the table. Once everyone has arrived and we’re about to begin, I pass out the Baptism Class – Parent Guide. I explain to my parents that everything I talk about is in this parent guide, including all the scripture fully typed out. I express my hope that parents will pull this out again to review with the kids later.

Essentially I talk about order. Kids are at the baptism class because they want to be baptized, but I explain that baptism isn’t first, it’s something we do after we’ve become a Christ Follower. I also take a minute to explain terminology. Depending on where they’ve been before Gateway or what they’ve heard other people say, becoming a Christ Follower can be confusing. Is being a Christ Follower the same thing as “getting saved” or asking Jesus into their heart? After we’ve explained terminology and getting to the heart of what this really is, I spend the next 15-20 minutes talking about the ABC’s of becoming a Christ Follower. I’ve been using this from the days of doing Lifeway VBS and of all the tools, it’s my favorite. I feel it’s easy to understand and hits the most important parts of becoming a Christ Follower.

After we’ve covered the ABC, I hand it over to parents. You’ll see there is a section for parents to lead. Basically there are some scripted questions that parents can ask to create discussion and inspire individual conversations. I encourage the parents to really probe their kids, find out if this is information is new. Have they done this before? Has this been new information? Does your child comprehend? Are they ready to make this decision? If so, pray with them now. I’ve even placed a scripted prayer based on the ABC’s that the parent can lead their child in right there. So far, I’ve had parents lead their children to faith every time I’ve done this class. That gets me very excited!

After paretns have 10-15 minutes with their kids, I come back and wrap up the class. I talk about baptism. What it is (a symbol) and what it isn’t (Salvation, washing away our sins). This last bit only takes another 10 minutes. Again, the focus is on making sure kids understand becoming a Christ Follower. We close up with questions.

Once we’re done I had out the Baptism Class – Response Form. This gives me a little feedback, but more importantly it tells me if and when the child has made a decision. The first time I did this class, I had these forms sitting on the table and I found that parents filled this out before the class was over which didn’t tell me if any kids made a decision on that day. So, now I hand this out at the end. This is very helpful!

Last of all, here are my Baptism Class – Teaching Notes. It’s actually most of the class completely scripted out. I’ve been doing this for so many years, I don’t need these. I’ll usually give this to someone else who’s going to teach in my place. I don’t expect them to do this exactly, but it’s a thorough example of my class. They can take it and personalize it. However, I do want them to do the ABC’s and the parent breakout. Everything else is up to them.

Well, that’s my class. I’ll wrap up my thoughts on Monday (I’ve got a few more things to say) What I’m doing now isn’t the end product, I know that . I’ll also start another series on why I swear by the ABC’s next week, leading a child (or adult for that matter) to Christ.