I absolutely loved Craig Groeschel’s talk at Orange this year. He essentially communicated many of the philosophical and strategy positions behind Orange, but from his own personal perspective and experience. His shocking statement was that we should not aim to raise well rounded, highly educated and happy children. That’s what our culture communicates as a need, but this doesn’t line up with the scriptures.

• Well rounded really isn’t best. It’s average in everything. When hiring someone, you’re typically looking for someone who is good in one or a handful of areas.
• Well educated isn’t necessarily the best either. How many parents send their students to great schools only to have them lose their faith in exchange for intellect.
• Seeking happiness isn’t best either. Our culture worships the false god of happiness. Seeking happiness in itself is fleeting.

I’m not advocating that any of the things above are bad. I want some of those things for my kids… but it’s not the central object of desire. The scriptures say, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his own soul.”

Instead, we should aim to raise single-minded, Christ-centered, Bible-anchored world changers. YES! This is what I want!

Craig had so many other great nuggets of wisdom, I’ll end this post by listing them here:

• Parents: You will always be the most important voice… but you must not be the only voice.We must have intergenerational voices. Not just 20 year olds speaking into 16 year olds, but 60 year olds into 16 year olds.
• Raise your expectationsWe have dumbed down and lowered our standards. We must raise the standard of what we can expect the next generation can do. In biblical times, a child would have memorized the first 5 books of the bible by age 12. Of teenagers, we expect then to go to school, don’t get anyone pregnant and make your bed. We’ve lowered the standard and raised an entitled generation. Everyone gets a trophy just for showing up.
• Craig expected all of his kids were expected to have a mentor and be a mentor. How many 11 year olds think they can mentor? Those who have parents who think they can. Craig’s 16 year old wrote a book. How many 16 year olds wrote a book? Those who have parents who think they can.
• Raise your kids to be investors. Raise your kids to be owners. Tell them, you can lead a Bible study. You can lead your teacher to Christ. They can own a business. You can be in leadership at our church.
• Rules without relationship equals rebellion.
• If it’s not real to you, they’ll know. They are fake detectors. If you want to see them forgive freely with grace, forgive freely with grace.

I’ve actually been able to attend more breakouts than last year… and I’ve actually been paying closer attention in the general sessions as compared to last year. I hope to publish my notes from some of the sessions/breakouts later tonight. I also had the opportunity to lead a preconference breakout on yesterday, and include some notes from that as well.

Stay tuned…

My friend Brian Dollar posted a great review on his blog. He shared with his readers the three reasons why he liked this book so much.

1. It’s a leadership fable – who doesn’t like a leadership fable?
2. Eric is easy to relate to – because he’s just like so many of us.
3. The lessons are impacting – even those of us who have been dong this for a long time slip in these areas from time to time.

Brian is giving away a few copies, so if you want one, check out what you need to do to win.

Jeremy Echols also posted a review of The Eric Trap. My favorite part of his review is in his “Spoiler Alert” section. He doesn’t necessarily tell you how the book ends, but you get a clearer picture of how the story goes. So, I’m not going to recommend reading that part of the review… unless you’re the type of person who likes to read the end before you get there (you probably snoop around the house for your Christmas presents too, don’t you?). I liked the review because Jeremy points out that our book doesn’t end like most people will expect. Some people like that, others do not. I personally like how it ends… but I also wrote it, so my opinion doesn’t count.

Lastly, my West Coast buddy Anthony Prince, also wrote his review of the Eric Trap. In the end, he said this book will be mandatory reading for all of his staff. That’s a great endorsement. I’m glad he did point out his only concern for the book. The main character is a man, yet the majority of those leading children’s ministry are women. We did talk about this and discuss how this may not relate to as many of the female readers. I think he’s right. However, we’ve gotten good feedback from the women folk… which helps. However, out ultimate reason for not writing from the perspective of a female kid’s pastor was pretty simple. Sam, Jim and I are dudes. If I felt I understood and knew the female mind well enough to tell a convincing story… I’m not sure I’d be writing books about children’s ministry. Ha! Thanks Anthony for your honest review!

Today though we had three more great reviews.

Even though I didn’t provide Matt McKee with an executive summary, he read our book and provided a great review here. Matt said something really important. The Eric Trap was written from the perspective of a Children’s Pastor, but this book isn’t just for Children’s Pastors. Student Pastors, Worship Pastors and even Senior Pastors could benefit from this book. The content is universal.

Andy Johnson also wrote a review on his blog, “Becoming Saturated.” Andy, like others, identified with Eric Newman, the star of The Eric Trap. I’m telling you, you’re going to see yourself in the pages of this book.

Lastly, JC Thompson wrote a blog post and provided a video review of this new resource. He stressed how important this book is to those who are young and in ministry. He had some conspiracy theories about how Eric Newman really is, I liked that. Enjoy the video below.

I and my staff team have all sipped the family ministry kool-aid. We’re all believers and have great vision for what family ministry could look like at our church. However, there’s one massive barrier. We’re all so busy doing what it takes to make the weekend experiences successful that there’s not really any time to do some of the things we’ve dreamed of doing. I kind of relate this to the task list versus the wish list. Sunday is huge and Sunday is super important. It’s critical and worth our time. However, we all recognize that impacting families, something we’re not doing nearly at the capacity we’d like to is also critical and could prove to be far more effective than just what we do on Sundays. Preparing for Sundays and leading teams to pull off weekend experiences is really what we were hired for. It’s on our job descriptions and could be equated to our task lists. If we didn’t do what was on our task list, it would be very noticeable and it would affect everyone immediately.

However, the wish list is different. We believe that if we do what is on our wish list combined with what we do on the weekends, we’ll see even greater returns on time and resources invested. However, if we don’t do what is on our wish list, most people won’t even notice. For the immediate future, no one will be affected. To some degree, this would just be ministry as normal for the past 20 years.

This is a quandary, isn’t it? We often really want to do what is on our family ministry wish list, but we don’t have time and often times our supervisors don’t understand or see the benefit for extra staff or resources. More often than not, we end up working a lot of extra hours to “make it happen” and end up creating additional programs that are unsustainable for the long-term… but we keep it going because it’s what we’re passionate about. It’s on ou wish list.

Have you ever found yourself here? Have any thoughts? I’ll probably continue this discussion tomorrow to explore some of the practical “next steps” for those in similar situations… but please speak up and share what you are thinking… or doing!

We had several great conversations about curriculum, resources and the fact that the 90′s lacked great music. However, he asked a really compelling question that’s had me thinking all day. We’ve talked a lot about family ministry and efforts we’re taking to connect with families. His question was, “What are you all doing to help families of single parents or blended families?”

Hmmmm.

I honestly couldn’t give him a great answer. It’s not to say we’re not doing a lot of great things for families and how we’re developing strategy to equip families, regardless of whether they’re conventional, blended or single parent families. But we’re not doing anything in particular for single/blended families. Actually, what alarmed me the most was my family bias. A few years ago I tested out some material by creating a parenting small group and worked through a study. Every family I invited was a conventional family. Sometime this summer or fall, I’m going to be doing some more work with family resources and I can’t tell you that I’ve given any thought to inviting any single parent. This alarmed me because I think I have a bias when I think of family… and that’s wrong.

Reggie Joiner shares this a stat often. Only 23.5% of kids live with both of their biological parents. I think its a real problem that I have the bias that I do. The funny thing too is that I grew up in a blended family. My half-brothers were a lot older than me, so it didn’t really feel much like a blended family. I don’t know… it was just a good wake-up call and reminder to me, something I need to work on. I’m not convinced that I need to start up programs or develop events specifically for single parents, but when I think about family, I need to look through a different lens than what comes natural for me.

So back in January, I took 20+ staff and volunteers to the Orange Tour in Dallas. What  can I say, I’m a huge believer in the regional conference! This Orange Tour was easily the best one yet… but all of them have been so incredibly good.

Tomorrow (Tuesday, March 6th you and your team can experience the Orange Tour right from the convenience of your computer. Orange will be streaming the conference from 1:00 PM until 3:45 PM (I’m assuming that this is Easter Time). It’s a free web event, you just have to register here.

However, as a dad who “knows his stuff pretty well,” I’ve come to realize how much help I really do need. Four years into unpacking the Orange strategy, this stuff has hit home in a new way was my four an a half year old boy has come to an age where what I say and do has significant consequences. I’ve “accidentally” fallen into some really cool “God moment” conversations and it made me realize that I really need to be far more intentional at this age. Because of my experience and role in ministry, I have a bevy or resources at my fingertips, but I find myself in situations often where I honestly don’t know what to do next. It doesn’t take too long to figure out what resources or what conversations to focus on, but I’ve become keenly aware of the fact that as a parent, I need help. I have been able to lean on the experience and resources from others as well as my own ability to do a little research, but it makes me realize that if I feel a great need for personal help, how much more must other parents need a little help.

In addition to being another spiritual influence int he lives of kids, the church really does need to develop a resource list and path for families. Even if we can can convince parents that they can and should be the primary voice in their kid’s lives, they’ll become quickly frustrated if we don’t help them take the lead. In the next six months, I’m developing a resource/experience guide for parents, especially in the kidmin years. I’d be curious to see what others have already assembled or who might be interested in collaborating on such a project.

I think my last big take-away from the Orange Tour was this little concept.

Make it easy for parents to win!

In Think Orange, Reggie describes the four levels of parenting.

1. Aware – These are parents who may be outside your church. Studies have shown that most parents are aware that the moral and even spiritual development of a child is their responsibility.
2. Involved – These are parents who are in our churches. They’re around, maybe following Christ, but they’re not really doing anything intentional with their kids.
3. Engaged – These are parents who are beginning to be intentional. They’re trying things that they’ve not done before.
4. Invested – These parents get “it.” Whether you provide a plan or not, they’re going after it, developing spiritual champions.

Here is what I appreciated tremendously. Reggie shared that you’ll probably never get more than 20-30% of your parents to the invested level. As much as we’d like for it to happen, it’s just not going to happen. Set your expectations.

However, it’s possible to get a lot of parents to engage. It doesn’t take too much effort to take a parent who is doing nothing to start doing something… and this small change can produce huge results. We’ve got to celebrate the small changes. This is huge!

This is why this information was really refreshing for me. We’re in the process of developing a milestone family strategy and we’ll be putting a lot of effort into getting parents to engage with the plan. I would expect that the parents to truly engage in this strategy and follow it through are more likely to be invested parents. However, at the same time we’re panning to launch easy stuff, resources and opportunities to help parents do small things.

I guess it was just good for me to hear this stuff so that I know how to balance, that I don’t get frustrated by less people getting to the invested level where huge numbers are engaged.

I’ll leave you with one last quote that ties this all up and certainly rang a bell for me.

So, consider how everything ties to the next thing and in all of this, make it easy for parents to win!

This Orange Tour was different for me. I was a little nervous. This was the first time I’ve ever taken student ministry volunteers. In the past I’ve brought my student pastor, but the team as a whole had never really been represented. They were very excited to have been invited and showed up in force. The Orange strategy is certainly something I believe in and I was more nervous that the student ministry volunteers would not connect with it or that it would somehow be a miss for them. Every year the Orange Tour has been one of the best conferences/seminars I attend and for no real reason, I was just nervous that it wouldn’t be as good as it had in the past.

Well, the day didn’t disappoint. If one year’s tour could be better than the previous one, this one was… but I must say that each of them stand out equally on their own. I learned so much, I was reminded of so much and I was inspired with so many new ideas. It was amazing and initial reaction from most of the student leaders was incredibly positive. I think there is still a lot to process with them, but overall, it was a great experience.

This week I’m not as much going to regurgitate my notes for you, but more or less share about what impacted me the most and what I plan to do with such thoughts. So, stay tuned for my Orange Tour Gleanings!