However, as a dad who “knows his stuff pretty well,” I’ve come to realize how much help I really do need. Four years into unpacking the Orange strategy, this stuff has hit home in a new way was my four an a half year old boy has come to an age where what I say and do has significant consequences. I’ve “accidentally” fallen into some really cool “God moment” conversations and it made me realize that I really need to be far more intentional at this age. Because of my experience and role in ministry, I have a bevy or resources at my fingertips, but I find myself in situations often where I honestly don’t know what to do next. It doesn’t take too long to figure out what resources or what conversations to focus on, but I’ve become keenly aware of the fact that as a parent, I need help. I have been able to lean on the experience and resources from others as well as my own ability to do a little research, but it makes me realize that if I feel a great need for personal help, how much more must other parents need a little help.

In addition to being another spiritual influence int he lives of kids, the church really does need to develop a resource list and path for families. Even if we can can convince parents that they can and should be the primary voice in their kid’s lives, they’ll become quickly frustrated if we don’t help them take the lead. In the next six months, I’m developing a resource/experience guide for parents, especially in the kidmin years. I’d be curious to see what others have already assembled or who might be interested in collaborating on such a project.

I think my last big take-away from the Orange Tour was this little concept.

Make it easy for parents to win!

In Think Orange, Reggie describes the four levels of parenting.

1. Aware – These are parents who may be outside your church. Studies have shown that most parents are aware that the moral and even spiritual development of a child is their responsibility.
2. Involved – These are parents who are in our churches. They’re around, maybe following Christ, but they’re not really doing anything intentional with their kids.
3. Engaged – These are parents who are beginning to be intentional. They’re trying things that they’ve not done before.
4. Invested – These parents get “it.” Whether you provide a plan or not, they’re going after it, developing spiritual champions.

Here is what I appreciated tremendously. Reggie shared that you’ll probably never get more than 20-30% of your parents to the invested level. As much as we’d like for it to happen, it’s just not going to happen. Set your expectations.

However, it’s possible to get a lot of parents to engage. It doesn’t take too much effort to take a parent who is doing nothing to start doing something… and this small change can produce huge results. We’ve got to celebrate the small changes. This is huge!

This is why this information was really refreshing for me. We’re in the process of developing a milestone family strategy and we’ll be putting a lot of effort into getting parents to engage with the plan. I would expect that the parents to truly engage in this strategy and follow it through are more likely to be invested parents. However, at the same time we’re panning to launch easy stuff, resources and opportunities to help parents do small things.

I guess it was just good for me to hear this stuff so that I know how to balance, that I don’t get frustrated by less people getting to the invested level where huge numbers are engaged.

I’ll leave you with one last quote that ties this all up and certainly rang a bell for me.

So, consider how everything ties to the next thing and in all of this, make it easy for parents to win!

This Orange Tour was different for me. I was a little nervous. This was the first time I’ve ever taken student ministry volunteers. In the past I’ve brought my student pastor, but the team as a whole had never really been represented. They were very excited to have been invited and showed up in force. The Orange strategy is certainly something I believe in and I was more nervous that the student ministry volunteers would not connect with it or that it would somehow be a miss for them. Every year the Orange Tour has been one of the best conferences/seminars I attend and for no real reason, I was just nervous that it wouldn’t be as good as it had in the past.

Well, the day didn’t disappoint. If one year’s tour could be better than the previous one, this one was… but I must say that each of them stand out equally on their own. I learned so much, I was reminded of so much and I was inspired with so many new ideas. It was amazing and initial reaction from most of the student leaders was incredibly positive. I think there is still a lot to process with them, but overall, it was a great experience.

This week I’m not as much going to regurgitate my notes for you, but more or less share about what impacted me the most and what I plan to do with such thoughts. So, stay tuned for my Orange Tour Gleanings!

No, I’m not dispensing advice today, but asking for a little. I’m hoping to lean on some of the wisdom of you who have been doing this longer than me. Here is my situation.

Titus is four and a half years old and he’s really into construction machinery. He loves his backhoes, rollers, mixers and tractors. A few months ago, he took several of his excavators to the park to play and accidentally left his toy grader at the park. He mentioned it when he got home, but I don’t think Sara or I really understood what he was saying. Several days passed before we realized that his grader really was missing. He would bring it up every now and again and with all the excitement of Christmas, I think we expected to have heard the last of the grader.

Then about a week ago, we started talking to Titus about how God wants to help us and when we need help, we simply need to ask him. Almost immediately, Titus responds with, “Will he help me find my grader?” Ever since, Titus prays for his grader every day, asking God to help him bring his grader home. Now Titus loves his toys like any other four year old, but I don’t sense this is about a materialistic frenzy of a boy who just wants more and more toys. I truly think he’s just still sad about the loss of a toy he really loved.

Sara and I have encouraged him to continue to ask God to bring him his grader, but we’re in a bit of a debacle on what to do next. First of all, we know that nothing is too big for God and if he wants to bring this actual grader back into his life, he can do it. I know that God doesn’t need my help in the matter and that it would be wrong of us to go buy the identical grader and give it to Titus and say, “Look, God answered your prayers.” However, Sara and I have been talking about getting him a new grader and simply explaining that God answers prayers in many different ways, sometimes using other people to provide the answer or a form of answer. Titus loses toys from time to time and rarely do we feel a need to replace them… what four year old needs more toys? But as a mom and dad, we recognize how much it would please Titus to have another grader.

So, what do you think? How would you navigate this situation? Probably not a matter of right or wrong here, but more of a “how do you help shape faith” question. Thanks for your comments on this one.

There’s a very interesting article worth reading over at childrensministry.com about the infamous “dropout” rate that is causing many churches to question the effectiveness of their ministries and causing many churches to swing to a family model. I’ve actually sited the significant dropout statistics as a reason for our church to move to a more family centered model.

I’m very glad that this article was written as it draws attention to the issue. However, I have to say that I’m not in agreement with several parts of the article, but some excellent points are made.

First of all, I’ve not heard of this 9 out of 10 dropout. For the last 3-5 years, I’ve been more familiar with the studies conducted by Lifeway, the Assemblies of God (I think) and the research the Barna group has done and none of those posted a dropout rate as high as 90%. So, I guess the 90% dropout myth is a myth I wasn’t aware of… which surprised me if it is so pervasive. The article does though make it very clear though that the 90% dropout rate is not correct.

However, the 70% dropout rate from LifeWay was sited and due to some factors of the LifeWay site, the dropout rate probably is closer to 50-70%. Obviously, a 50-70% dropout rate is better than 90%, but 50-70% is still a failure in my book. So, if debunking the 90% myth was the primary objective of this article, then I’d say this article was successful on that account. However, I think it points to the problem that still remains, kids are still dropping out.

One thing I really appreciate about this article though:

“The bigger lie is that the effectiveness of your ministry depends on how many people you attract and retain.”

I agree wholeheartedly. We as ministers are often too shortsighted. We see growth from last year to this year and pat ourselves on the back… but if we’re not looking farther into the future, who cares if we’re running more kids this year than last. I think we should be asking ourselves the questions, “Is what I’m doing now going to make it more likely that these kids will still be following Jesus when they’re 20?” Some how we have to tap into that kind of thinking.

Lastly, the article seemed to explain that many churches have moved toward a family model because of a belief in the 90% dropout statistic. Just because the 90% dropout rate isn’t true doesn’t mean that a family model doesn’t help with the statistically truer 50-70% dropout rate. Barna’s book “Revolutionary Parenting ” states a strong case for a family model, one that equips parents. Most of the kids who continued to follow Jesus into their 20′s did so because mom and dad drove the spiritual development, which is a big part of the family model.

So, good article, even if there were some points to disagree with.

1. The Bible follows Groups philosophy of R.E.A.L learning (Relational, Experiential, Applicable and Learner-Based). Every Bible story includes questions and activities that engage kids in R.E.A.L learning. This is not a passive children’s bible, but requires active engagement.
2. This preschool Bible actually uses real Bible text. Where most beginner Bibles are edited down into a much easier way to read, My First Hands-On Bible used abridged passages from the New Living Translation.

My First Hands-On Bible contains 85 different stories from the Bible, most of the stories you would expect to find from a beginners children’s Bible. The Illustrations are excellent, modern and fitting for a preschooler as illustrations from some beginner Bibles look and feel dated. On the pages containing the story, you’ll find simple activities in the margins. Although the text for each story is short, the activities break it up and make it fun – which also bolsters learning and understanding. Little handprints in the text prompt you exactly when you can do the simple activity. These activities are simple like moving your hands in a specific way or marching around the room quickly.

The end of each story contains several elements. Each story ends with a section called the “Jesus Connection.” I’m not sure if this was inspired by “The Jesus Storybook Bible,” but aI greatly appreciate it’s inclusion. Essentially the “Jesus Connection” points what happened in this story to who Jesus was or what Jesus did. This is excellent as most kids (and adults) loose the connection of what a particular book or story has to do with the redemptive nature of Jesus and his mission. Each story ends with two characters that kids will recognize from any of Group Publishing’s curriculum, Pockets the Kangaroo and Cuddles the lamb. Pocket’s ends the story with a prayer that ties the story into a response to God. Cuddles leads the reader into an activity that is a little more involved. It might be something you do throughout the day, during a meal or even while in the car. Each one is different. Usually each story has two activities that you can do with your child. Finally, there is a section called Let’s Talk. It’s two age-appropriate questions inspired by the story that help kids think about how what they read interacts with their lives.

I’ve been using this Bible for a little over a month and it’s been wonderful. My son, who is four and a half really seems to enjoy it. Some of the questions are a little over his head, but often as we talk about the subject and the questions, he often “gets it.” Too often we use this Bible at bedtime, which is unfortunate since there are several activities that we can’t do.

I highly recommend this Bible for the 4-6 year old child (although 6 year olds are going to be getting close to being done with it). Honestly, I think that this Bible is better designed as a devotional Bible. If a family is looking for ways that it can have family devotions, this Bible is probably all you need. With a handful of activities, some great questions and just a little preparation (probably 5-10 minutes at the most), any parent could lead a great family devotion for preschoolers that will create strong memories, bolster biblical learning and be fun.

To order your own copy, click here.

Thanks to Jim Wideman for hosting my last Homeless Blogger post. In this post I tell the old me, “Pay attention to the parents!” We hear this message all the time now through conferences, books and curriculum publishers. However, I remember questioning this stuff 9-10 years ago and not really know what to do with it. I don’t have any real ministry regrets, but sometimes I do wish I had known what I know now when it comes to equipping parents. Click here for the full post.

A special thanks to Spencer Click for hosting this post. In this post, I’d tell myself that leading a ministry of 400 kids is really no different from leading a ministry of 40 kids. Seriously, I’m being honest. The first church I led gave me the opportunity to lead 40 kids. My second church gave me the opportunity to lead 300-400 kids. The third church I led was smaller, only 150 kids. However, I learned something. I lead the church of 150 more like I led when I had 400. What about the church of 40? No, I’ll never lead like that again. Check out the whole post here.

So, yesterday I posted about a talk I did at our second day of camp. It was a talk about the lies we believe about ourselves that are not true. Here is the post for you to read. Below I have posted a handful of index cards that 8-12 year olds wrote. Just a few anonymous cards that communicate powerful lies. These are the cards that punched me in the gut. We collected about 800 cards with lies just like these. Disgusting, isn’t it.

I didn’t really anticipate how this message was going to affect me. I didn’t realize that the hundreds of kids who walk in and out of my church every single day are holding on to some rotten lives that are weighing them down. Many of these lies are coming from their friends, their siblings, media and other peers. Many of these lies are even coming from their parents.

I guess I’m writing this post because I feel that you and I can make a difference in this area. Yes, we can try to leverage the influence we have with parents to help these kids begin to believe something different. But when lies are coming from every single direction, you can’t stop the all. However, you can be the singular voice of truth. Sometimes a kid only has to hear it from one person… and that can make all the difference.

At this time, I recognize the need for me to tell the children I encounter how special they are. I need to tell them that they are masterpieces that are brilliant, beautiful and priceless… full of worth and value.

George and I had hoped that I would be pregnant by the end of his congressional run. Then we hoped it would be by the time his father announced his presidential run, then by the presidential primaries, the convention, the general election. But each milestone came and went. The calendar advanced, and there was no baby. The English language lacks the words “to mourn an absence.” For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I am sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture the particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?

Some of you know this feeling. Many do not. Often times it is at mothers day where moms or mom’s who never were feel pain and loss for the absence in their lives. Because it is an absence, we rarely recognize it. We rarely help families mourn, yet it is a tremendous felt need.

Mark my words. If you’re looking for a way to honor mothers, forget flowers and handmade cards. Find a way to show moms who never were or mom who have gone through this great loss that you know about their loss and that you care… you truly do. An investment in this will go a very long way in healing old and secret wounds.

Last year my wife held such an event to honor these women. Here are the posts:

Born Into Heaven
Overview
Resources
Video

Later that day, Brynn and her Dad had fun reliving the moment in their pool Although they were “playing,” there’s no doubt this little girl, or her dad truly “get it.”

Okay, last part. Brynn went to School on Monday and asked everyone she saw if she looked any different to them. She explained that she had been baptized. She’s putting into action the last thing I told her in the baptism class that once we are baptized, it is our turn to live out our part of the Great Commission… to tell everyone about Jesus. That’s simply what she’d doing now. I’m expecting great things from Brynn!