So this week I’ve broached the subject of sex, porn and Children’s Ministry, but I mostly opened the conversation about parent driven sex talks and resources. I haven’t said much about pornography though. Hopefully, thorough parent-driven sex talks will address pornography and prepare kids for when they’ll be exposed to it. However, is there a way for the church to help address this problem more intentionally?

The numbers speak for themselves. 12-18 year olds are significant consumers of pornography. The average age of first exposure is eight. All of us have children in our ministries who are being exposed to porn and many are developing addictions. Many of these kids are already caught int he trap. They’re lured back to it time and time again because of their new-found appetite, but they’re also carrying this shame and guilt they’ve never carried before. At such a young age with their entire lives ahead of them, they’re already trapped in the devil’s most powerful snare.

I understand this in a very real way. I was one of these young kids exposed way to early. This uncontrollable appetite got the best of me and I carried guilt and shame and it severely tainted a very sweet relationship with the Lord I’d had since I was four or five. It was at a summer camp as a 5th grader where I felt the conviction of the holy spirit and I confessed to a leader and wept my eyes out. It was so freeing for me.

But a lot of little boys don’t get that chance. A lot of boys don’t take that step of courage (I’m kind of surprised I even did it) to confess their dirty secret. Is there a way we can be more intentional in helping both boys and girls who are struggling with this?

I know that at times I speak to kids and my talk with come around to media or stuff like that. I’ll sometimes say something like, “Some of you’ve been listening to music that you know isn’t good for you and it doesn’t honor God. Some of you’ve been watching TV or movies that you know your parents would not let you watch. Some of you have seen stuff on the computer that you know was wrong…” But to that degree, that’s the furthest I’ll go with it. It’s kind of vague. My hope is that the kids struggling with the beginnings of a porn addiction will identify and will respond to what I’m asking them to do. But I feel that this isn’t enough.

I don’t want to have a flat out porn talk, I don’t feel it’s our place. Really, it’s for the parents. However, are there ways we can be more direct without exposing kids who’ve not been affected by this to something they don’t need to know? In a small group, can a leader address the group of boys saying something like, “Some of you have seen some stuff that you know doesn’t honor God at all. You know that your parents wouldn’t want you to see it and if Jesus was sitting beside you, you’d be embarrassed. Maybe it was a video or even pictures, but you’ve seen them and there’s a part of you that wants to see it again, but another part of you that’s really ashamed or even guilty. You need to know that it’s not right to look at this, but you don’t need to live under guilt and shame. You don’t need to feel that God doesn’t want to be your friend because you kind of want to look at that stuff again. However, you need help to not look at it again and you don’t need to walk down that road by yourself. You might want to think about talking to someone, possibly your mom or dad… or even me.”

I feel that as a 3rd or 4th graders struggling with my guilt, I really needed someone to challenge me, to encourage me and even draw me out. Ultimately I obeyed God’s prompting, but how many kids out there need an adult in their life saying, “you’re not alone, God still loves you and there are people who want to help you.” In my heart I just feel this message of hope and healing needs to be communicated and more than just one or two times a year. How many times is there a great opportunity to share, but we don’t because the conversation is too risky or the level of comfort is too high.

I’m curious though as to what you think? Is this too heavy? To what ends have you communicated this message? The church absolutely needs to empower parents, but to what degree can the church lead on on this?