Tag Archives: Doubt

Vision: The cure to anxiety?

Posted on 30. Oct, 2008 by .

4

Okay, this is a little raw and honest. Since I got back from vacation, I’ve been struggling with anxiety.

It’s been strange. Since I’ve been doing Children’s Ministry full time I’d usually have one of “those days” every year or two. It was when t felt like the sky was falling and I couldn’t breath. My solution was to usually close my office door, turn out the lights and cry for a few minutes. Then I’d get a Lemon Berry Slush and things would be better. This was a pattern, it would happen every year or two and when it would happen, I knew what to do.

Until this year.

On my way home from Canada, I started to get those feelings of anxiety. My first day back was pretty bad. I just felt like I was walking through mud. The next day didn’t get any better. All kinds of thoughts would jump into my head. Thoughts of self-doubt and worry. The next day was a staff meeting day and I shared what I was going through with several staff members and that helped a lot. I think that some of the anxiety is related to my not practicing the discipline of solitude. It’s something that Gateway really values and encourages every staff member to take a solitude day every month (which I haven’t yet). So, I felt much better.

But then for the next two weeks, I’ve still didn’t feel like the anxiety was gone. It was like it was in the room with me, I wasn’t overwhelmed or depressed, just a little anxious. If you know me, this is totally not like me at all. Even on Monday I had a long talk with my wife about how I had been feeling. I think she really needed some encouragement from me, but ended up being a source of encouragement for me. (Thanks sweetie) Then something curious happened.

On Tuesday night I had a meeting at my house with some CM people. For about 45 minutes we talked vision. Not policies, tactics or plans… just vision. It lit me up. Sara was there and she commented later that she saw me more energized than I had been in a long time. I know this was only two days ago, but anxiety hasn’t shown it’s ugly head since that night. I’m re-energized and focused.

So, this is still new to me. I’ve never struggled with depression or anxiety before. However, it seemed like a shot in the arm of vision really got me going. The self-doubt is gone, I see what is before me and I know I’ve got the goods to get it done. So, I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced this or has a similar situation, but that’s jus what I’ve been living these past few weeks.

Oh, and in the midst of all of this, Carlos posted this blog post that was encouraging to see.

Continue Reading

Things I didn’t know about the Great Commission (Part 2) Part B

Posted on 30. May, 2008 by .

0

I forgot to mention this earlier in my this post. I wast talking about how on the day of Christ’s ascension there were some of the 11 disciples who doubted. It truly sounds crazy. How on earth could they doubt? But then I realize that I may not “doubt,” but I often live my life as one who doubts or even doesn’t believe. Seriously, if I truly had the fear of God in my life, why do I still sin so much?

Then I got thinking.

I’ve had relationships all through my life with people who don’t believe in God. I’m really not that good at debating with them. To be honest, I don’t really like it. I like them and their belief… or lack of belief doesn’t change the way I feel about them. I just don’t think I’ve got the words to sway their belief. Many times I’ve heard them say, “If there was convincing and irrefutable proof that God exists, I’d believe.” When hearing a statement like that, I’ve felt the pressure of putting together the irrefutable proof. However, being that faith is involved, there isn’t a silver bullet. There is evidence that God exists and some people are really good at presenting that proof in a very convincing way.

But today I realized something. This statement by non-believing friends is a load of garbage. Maybe it’s not a load of garbage, but it’s wishful thinking. There are scores of people from the pages of scripture who experienced God in a powerful way, yet turned away. Peter denied him. Some of the 11 doubted. Solomon (the wisest man to live) chased after other gods. Judas betrayed him.

Aren’t we just fickle?

Technorati Tags:

Continue Reading

Things I didn’t know about the Great Commission (Part 2)

Posted on 30. May, 2008 by .

4

I took one class at college in hermeneutics. I actually really enjoyed the class. I knew that it wasn’t likely that I’d be using my new hermeneutical skills on a regular basis when preparing preschool lessons, but I saw great application for my own personal knowledge and development. One of the key skills taught in hermeneutics is studying the verse in context. When looking at a particular passage, we would have to outline in detail the entire chapter in addition to a less detailed outline of the entire book. The context of the book, the chapter and surrounding verses can have a profound impact on the passage being studied.

Like I said yesterday, we’ve been looking at The Great Commission in our staff meetings. Usually people quote this passage using only verse 19 or sometimes 19 and 20. It also isn’t’ unusual for people to begin their quote starting with verse 18.

However, keeping the rules of hermeneutics in play, the passage of “The Great Commission” actually begins in verse 16. I’ve read the book of Matthew at least dozens of times, but two weeks ago I noticed something I’ve never noticed before. It’s in verse 17. I’ll quote both 16 and 17.

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.

Do you see it? What the heck? Who doubted? Was it Thomas again? There must have been someone else as well if it says that “some doubted.”

It amazes me. These 11 men saw miracles performed by this man. These 11 performed miracles in his name. They witnessed his brutal crucifixion. Then they witnessed his resurrection. And here we are several weeks later and some doubted??? I don’t get it.

I seem to recall that this isn’t a first time occurrence. How often did the Israelites complain against God after they saw him smite (I love using that word) the mighty nation of Egypt. Moses went up the mountain for a little while and his people turned toward worshiping idols in his absence. How does this happen?

Here’s what I’m coming to realize. We’re a stiff-necked people! If I had been one of the 11, I might have been a doubter. Maybe you would too. Don’t deny it, look what happened to Peter when he denied similar accusations. I’ve encountered grace so amazing and have experience the power and love of the God who created the universe, yet why don’t I love him more? Why do I find it so difficult to spend time with him? Why don’t I love others more? Does this put me in the same camp as the doubters? Maybe.

Just something to chew on today…

Technorati Tags: ,

Continue Reading