Tag Archives: Family

My BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

Posted on 05. May, 2011 by .

12

A picture is worth 1000 words!

Continue Reading

Orange Tour 2011 Notes: Family

Posted on 08. Feb, 2011 by .

0

Family isn’t what we think it is anymore. I think that most of us realize that the 1950′s typical family of Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, puppy and the white picket fence isn’t the norm any more. However, I’m not positive that we all realize how much the typical family has changed. According to research, the family defined by married couples who live with their own biological kids represents only 23.5% of the population. Holy cow! I had no idea that it was such a small percentage. I find it interesting though that when I think of family, the first thing that comes to my mind is ALWAYS the married couple living with their biological kids. It’s default. I wonder if that’s the case for most ministry leaders (unless they come from a family that is different). So if that is what I think of first, that is probably the lens I’m going to see family through and develop programs for… and if that’s the case… I’m not seeing reality.

I’d venture to say that if our churches are packed full of happy families as I described before, we’re missing it in a major way. I’ll go out on a limb and say that we’re failing. I’d never want to be a church that’s only relevant to 23.5% of the population.

Here are some questions to shake things up. They’re questions I’m asking myself as much as I’m asking you.

  • What are we doing to serve single parents? We expect them to spiritually lead their kids, but how are we helping them catch their breath from having to be two parents in one?
  • We’re often frustrated about kids consistency in church. Probably the greatest cause to inconsistency is the fact that the kids are with one parent one weekend and another on the other weekend. If they’re sick, then it could be a month before they come back. There’s little that kid can do about it. How are reaching out to those kids to provide stability in their “back and forth” life?
  • How are we equipping parents of blended families to be successful? Marriage and parenting is hard enough. Second marriages are significantly more likely to fail. Step-parents are always at a disadvantage. How are we encouraging and supporting these families?

This is our reality, like it or not. What has to change to be effective and relevant in this landscape?

Continue Reading

The hardest decision I make every day

Posted on 06. Dec, 2010 by .

2

I’ve found myself saying this little axiom a lot lately.

“The hardest decision I make every day is deciding what I’m not going to do today.”

I’m not sure if I heard it from someone or if I made it up. Maybe I’ll just tell people that I made it up until I end up telling to to the person who actually told it to me… then I’ll give them the credit.

I don’t profess to be a pro at time management at all. I feel like I’m better than I’ve ever been, probably thanks to Jim Wideman. I do feel like I have a lot of capacity and I work pretty fast, so I tend to get a lot done. However, I’ve learned a few things over the years.

  1. There will always be more to get done than I’ll have time to get it done.
  2. Ministry can be a disease where I feel the pressure of getting everything done and I end up putting off family, friends and other priorities.
  3. When I don’t have a vision or focus of where I’m going, I’ll be very busy but get very little done

My family is very important to me. Actually, even a little downtime to myself is very important to me. In order to stay healthy, I have to constantly look at the list of things to be done and decide what I’m not going to do, either today, this week or ever.

In my earlier idealistic years of ministry, I probably would have scoffed at this statement. Today I try to live by it.

For a lot more great time management ideas and principles, pick up Jim Wideman’s book, “Beat the Clock.“

Continue Reading

Do you have a whiteboard in your kitchen?

Posted on 16. Nov, 2010 by .

4

I mentioned earlier today that I just finished Patrick Lencioni’s book “The 3 Big Questions for the Frantic Family.” I’m also nearing the end of a small group built around “Revolutionary Parenting” by George Barna. Both book, written by two different authors from two different perspectives and two different end goals seem to have one major thing in common.

Success isn’t going to happen without intentionality and planning.

I got the very strong feeling that families who are intentional and plan around the development of their family and kids are peculiar (not that this is a bad thing at all). I remember several years ago (before Titus), Sara and I went off for an overnight trip in Dallas to develop a mission, vision and core values for our family and people thought this was kind of weird.

The conclusion I’m coming to is that families that proactively go after the spiritual development of their kids are the types of families that have whiteboards in their kitchens. Maybe it’s not that extreme, but maybe they have sticky notes all over their bathroom mirrors (not reminders of when to pick up the kids from school) or giant sheets of paper taped to the wall in their home office outlining their goals, plans or improvement plan.

So, are you a whiteboard family? If you’re one of these types of families, how do you chart, write or display your family strategy?

Continue Reading

Book Review: The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family

Posted on 16. Nov, 2010 by .

3

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of books about family ministry. Almost a year ago, I purchased 5-7 books on the topic of parenting or family ministry and lately I’ve been burning through that stack.

Last Friday I finished Patrick Lencioni’s book, “The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family.” I can’t even begin to tell you how great this book was. If you’ve read any books by Patrick, you know his style and technique and I’ve never found anyone who didn’t like his approach. Although he normally writes books for CEO’s and businesses, this one is aimed at the family. Why?

Patrick explains that when he talks to CEO’s and executives in companies, they often talk about their families and how their families are even more important to them than their companies and careers, but most feel like their families are frantic and disorganized. Lencioni recognized this in his own family as well and began to recognize the problem. Most parents don’t see their families as organizations, yet it is probably the most important organization they’ll ever be a part of. When parents stop reacting and begin to take action using some of the same principles used by successful companies, they might be surprised by the results.

When I closed this book, I was ready to get started. Sara and I are currently in a small group working through the book and study guide of Revolutionary Parenting and it’s amazing how much the two books worked hand in hand. We had some brief discussions and I’m excited to put some of the concepts from “3 Big Questions” into practice. Surprisingly, Sara and I have already written vision and mission statements for our family along with a list of core values. However, in about five minutes of casual talking, we identified 3-4 core values that are probably more true to who we are than the ones we wrote out a few years ago after much debate and planning.

What I love most about this book is how simple everything was. It wasn’t that he wrote ground-breaking new techniques and ideas, but simple steps to make getting a plan in place much easier than ever before and tracking progress something that isn’t dreaded. I really am looking forward to getting started. So, if you haven’t picked up this book yet, be sure to grab it here!

Below, watch a video interview of Patrick talking about this book.

Continue Reading

Putting family first

Posted on 25. Oct, 2010 by .

0

I’ll be the first to admit that I probably work way too much. Between my work and all the extra that I do (like writing blog posts or networking), it’s a pretty heavy load. I learned something pretty interesting a little while back. To me, all the extra stuff isn’t work. So I’ll finish up whatever work I’m doing for church and then write a couple of blog posts. Although I don’t consider it work, my family does. In the end, it’s time away from them.

Knowing that I have workaholic tendencies, I’ve worked pretty hard to put in in practices where I prioritize my family. I have schedules, systems and accountability that help me be a better husband and dad. Although I don’t always get it right, I do know that I’m doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. My family has noticed. It has helped reading books like Mad Church Disease and Choosing to Cheat (which I still haven’t finished reading yet). The biggest help in my life was the accountability. I have a group of guys who ask me how I did with this every week and together we discuss ideas how we can better do this. I love that.

Last week I came across this article. It was written by the Bill Shuler, campus pastor at ORU when I was a student there. Bill was celebrating 25 years in ministry and wrote this article about the ten things he’s learned in the past 25 years. It’s a significant list and would do you good to read.

However, item number nine spoke to me in a profound way. It’s a powerful illustration that I’ve never seen in that light before.

When Jesus paused while dying on the cross to make certain his mother was cared for, he showed how to prioritize family amidst ministry.

Yes, even Jesus gave us an example for putting our family first amidst the overwhelming nature of ministry.

Continue Reading

ReThink ReInvents Family Times

Posted on 20. Jul, 2010 by .

1

I must say that I’m very excited about Cue Box, a new resource coming soon from reThink that ties directly into 252Basics. For years reThink has offered virtue packs through Family Times that tied into the monthly virtue. Don’t get me wrong, these are great resources. However, we couldn’t ever really get a lot of momentum behind them. The parents who used them like them, but few committed to using them regularly.

Cue Box is a reinvention of the Family Times virtue packs. The big change is that it’s DVD and Kid driven. Rather than going the route of offering a resource to parents that they “should” use, Cue Box offers a resource that basically does the same thing but because it is Kid-driven, the kids are pushing their parents toward getting it and using it.

Who knows how successful it will be? It probably depends on how you promote it among your parents and how readily available you make it. From what I’ve seen, the production value seems high (personally I think it’s on a significantly higher level than any of their other video content) and I can’t imagine that the content is anything less than excellent.

Click here to visit Studio252.tv and learn more about Cue Box. This resource begins with September’s virtue, so you don’t want to miss your opportunity to get in on the ground floor.

Continue Reading

#Orange10 Day 2: Doug Fields

Posted on 03. May, 2010 by .

2
I’ve never had the privilege of reading anything from Doug Fields or hearing him speak in person, but I know that for students pastors around the world, he’s a legend. I’ve known student pastors who have worked for him and others who simply use his resources; however, I’ve never heard anything but GREAT things from Doug Fields. I got to meet him and talk with him for just a minute or two backstage a few hours before his session, not enough to get a full impression. However, after his talk all I can say is WOW! I think I love this guy. Doug came to speak to pastors of students and kids and he chose to focus on the subject of our families, our spouses and our children. Epic talk!

Here are two main truths.
  • In ministry, there is always more to do. Always. We’ll never finish.
  • If I don’t focus on my family, no one else will.
The sad part of all of this is that you may spend the better part of a decade investing in the lives of students, kids and families at your church, but once you’re gone, you’ll be a blip on the radar. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re more than that. They’ll find someone else to do what you did. Your replacement might even be better than you. Get over it. It’s the truth. The painful part is that the place where you’ll make the biggest impact is in your own house. Although you can be replaced in your job, you can never be replaced in your role as a mom or dad. Invest where you can make a bigger impact.
Doug made a few suggestions about about your roles as a parent in ministry.
  • What are you doing to make your house fun? Live it up, have fun!
  • What are you doing to make you working at the church a privilege for your family?
This part was funny. Did Doug’s kids get the best small group leaders? Absolutely! Did Doug’s kids have private sleepovers in the church facilities. Yup! Did his kids swim in the baptismal. Oh yeah! Too often our kids get the shaft as a result of our job. Our families pay the price because they get “left overs” dad or mom. We can change that, make it a treat that they get to be a pastor’s kid.
This was a great message for me to hear. I’ve made some changes this last year to put a higher priority on my family. I need to do more. I need to make the time I’m spending with them more focused and more intentional. One thing in particular that really spoke to me was how Doug said he never took work calls on his phone when his family was in the car. Never. I must admit that when I’m driving around town with Titus, I’m on the phone a lot. Titus isn’t really that talkative. We’re not really carrying on conversations; however, that’s not really creating father/son bonding time. I know I don’t want him veggin’ out watching videos, so I need to follow the same example and not “multi-task” at the expense of my family.

Continue Reading

#Orange10 Day 2: Family First

Posted on 03. May, 2010 by .

0
Todd Clark planted a church in California that is truly an Orange church. As the senior pastor of this church, he shares about how to create a ministry where family truly comes first. Here are seven principles:
Orange-ify your Senior Pastor
There are many shades of orange. Helping your pastor see Orange may take time, but just take it step by step. Shades of Orange go from Invite to Interested to Open to Influenced to Involved to Invested.
It is important to pay attention to timing. A great idea at the wrong time is a bad idea. Serve your pastor and his vision first. “Promote your leader’s dreams and they will promote yours.” John Maxwell.
Making sticky decisions (budget and programing)
Create reciprocal stages. For example, allow your artists to play/perform/lead on multiple stages. Just because they sing doesn’t mean they’ll always sing on the main stage. They may bounce around from kids to students to the main stage.
Don’t worry, be crappy
It is better to do something imperfectly than nothing perfectly. Use what you have and do the best you can with that.
Celebrate spiritual milestones
Child dedications and family baptisms. Make a big deal out of these things. Give parents a path to follow, something to work towards.
“For Heaven’s Sake” is a great program offered through reThink for baptisms.
Orange honors staff families
Before we can put our church families first, we have to put our own families first.
Orange often “irritates” parents
It’s likely that your doing something right if your parents are irritated with some of your decisions. It may come from using the word “partnership.” Closing environments 15 minutes after the service begins to honor what happens in the classrooms may frustrate your parents. Asking your parents to choose a service and stick with it may annoy some. Not ever decision you make will be family friendly, but it does put the family first. Your job is not to give parents what they want, it’s your job to give parents what they need.
Family dream session
What if a family gave the same time to planning their family as they do planning their job? Give parents the tools and resources to do this.
There were several great principles that I found helpful to what I’m doing at my church. The biggest for me though was the principle of baptism. Currently, we celebrate child dedication as a milestone in a personal and equipping way for parents. Unfortunately, my church celebrates baptism in a way that isn’t always family friendly or allows the child to truly connect why they’re getting baptized. As a result of this breakout, we’re going to begin transitioning the way we celebrate baptism similar to the way we practice child dedication. I’m very excited about this change.

Continue Reading

Why attend the Orange Conference 10: Reason #2

Posted on 28. Jan, 2010 by .

0

Cb020950

Be the first to hear groundbreaking research commissioned by Orange and implemented by the Barna Group on the nationwide ORANGE UPDATE: THE INTERSECTION OF THE CHURCH AND THE FAMILY.

Orange has put a lot of effort into this study and the results are going to answer a lot of questions for you as a church leader. This is very EXCITING.

I’m looking at it this way. Almost a decade ago, Barna rocked the world with “Transforming Children” which showed the church the importance of children’s ministry within the church. Barna followed up that book with “Revolutionary Parenting” to explain to parents what needs to happen in the home to create spiritual champions. I’m seeing this report as the final piece. What do we need to do as the church to really equip and engage the parents.

This should be great and you get to hear it revealed live at the Orange Conference 10. Click the badge to the right to register.

Continue Reading

Older Entries »