Tag Archives: Teenagers
The dropout myth?
Posted on 04. Jan, 2012 by Kenny.
There’s a very interesting article worth reading over at childrensministry.com about the infamous “dropout” rate that is causing many churches to question the effectiveness of their ministries and causing many churches to swing to a family model. I’ve actually sited the significant dropout statistics as a reason for our church to move to a more family centered model.
I’m very glad that this article was written as it draws attention to the issue. However, I have to say that I’m not in agreement with several parts of the article, but some excellent points are made.
First of all, I’ve not heard of this 9 out of 10 dropout. For the last 3-5 years, I’ve been more familiar with the studies conducted by Lifeway, the Assemblies of God (I think) and the research the Barna group has done and none of those posted a dropout rate as high as 90%. So, I guess the 90% dropout myth is a myth I wasn’t aware of… which surprised me if it is so pervasive. The article does though make it very clear though that the 90% dropout rate is not correct.
However, the 70% dropout rate from LifeWay was sited and due to some factors of the LifeWay site, the dropout rate probably is closer to 50-70%. Obviously, a 50-70% dropout rate is better than 90%, but 50-70% is still a failure in my book. So, if debunking the 90% myth was the primary objective of this article, then I’d say this article was successful on that account. However, I think it points to the problem that still remains, kids are still dropping out.
One thing I really appreciate about this article though:
“The bigger lie is that the effectiveness of your ministry depends on how many people you attract and retain.”
I agree wholeheartedly. We as ministers are often too shortsighted. We see growth from last year to this year and pat ourselves on the back… but if we’re not looking farther into the future, who cares if we’re running more kids this year than last. I think we should be asking ourselves the questions, “Is what I’m doing now going to make it more likely that these kids will still be following Jesus when they’re 20?” Some how we have to tap into that kind of thinking.
Lastly, the article seemed to explain that many churches have moved toward a family model because of a belief in the 90% dropout statistic. Just because the 90% dropout rate isn’t true doesn’t mean that a family model doesn’t help with the statistically truer 50-70% dropout rate. Barna’s book “Revolutionary Parenting ” states a strong case for a family model, one that equips parents. Most of the kids who continued to follow Jesus into their 20′s did so because mom and dad drove the spiritual development, which is a big part of the family model.
So, good article, even if there were some points to disagree with.
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Parents in Transition
Posted on 15. Nov, 2010 by Reggie Joiner.
Time flies fast from elementary to college age, so get ready to change your parenting habits. Every child seems to move in warp speed toward the teenage years.
I was caught by surprise when a new declaration of personal independence was automatically assumed the day my son got his driver’s license. It was as though I represented an oppressive and extremely unfair regime whenever I tried to enforce any rule. (Whenever I said no to one of my teenage daughters, she would go to her bedroom, close the door and play Britney Spears’ “Overprotected†over and over again for over an hour, loud enough for me and the whole house to hear.) I have to admit, it was difficult for me to transition from parenting children to parenting teenagers. I had worked with teenagers all of my life, but I had never actually had any living in my home. I am still a recovering parent of teens, but here are a few things I have recognized about this chapter of parenting:
It’s a complicated time.
While your children are transitioning from being dependent to independent, you are transitioning as a parent from having authority to leveraging your influence. You can’t parent them the same way you did when they were in elementary school.
It’s an urgent time.
Face it. You know a window is closing fast. Ready or not, in a few short years your children will be leaving home. You are running out of time, and it is easy to feel a little panicked. Everything seems to matter more (grades, decisions, relationships.) And to make matters worse, everything costs more too. Have I mentioned the price of college these days? Feeling better?
Keep fighting for your teenager’s emotional health by investing in relational time with them. Especially during this uncertain season, they need a positive relationship with you more than you or they may realize. Here are a few things to remember that might help you make the time you spend with your teenager more meaningful:
• Find a common activity you can both enjoy.
Go to favorite restaurant, movie, or concert. Discover a hobby or a type of recreation you can do together. Find common interests. It only takes a few.
• Make sure there is no agenda.
They will see right through a masked motive and interpret your effort to hang out as manipulation. Don’t forget. This is about building your relationship. So don’t use this time to deal with issues. Guard the fun.
• Keep it outside the house.
You probably already spend most of your time together in your home. It can be full of duties, responsibilities, and distractions, so get out and do something that is a contrast to your normal routine.
• Do it without friends.
Anyone you add to your time will drastically change the dynamic. Give your teenager individual and undivided attention, without your friends or their friends, and even without siblings.
• Mutually agree to turn off cell phones.
Make at least part of your time a no-electronic zone. Phones have a way of distracting you from meaningful and engaging dialogue.
• Put it on the schedule (but not on a Friday).
Be sensitive to how a teenager wants to organize his or her life. Discover the rhythm that exists in their schedule and agree with them on the best times to hang out.
• Stay flexible (and be willing to reschedule frequently).
A teenager’s world is always changing. They could feel trapped if you are rigid about your scheduled time with them. Don’t let your time with them become a competition with their other interests and priorities. Avoid making them choose between you and something else they really want to do.
• Remember your goal is not to change them.
Avoid getting into conversations where you are trying to correct or improve a behavior. Save those conversations for another time. You can shut down a positive experience if you try to leverage it to fix something.
• Keep working at it.
Learning to communicate with those you love can be awkward at times. Strive to ask the right kind of questions and listen more than you talk. You are not trying to become your teen’s best friend, but you are laying an important foundation for the kind of friendship you want to enjoy with them during their adult years.
• Use it as an opportunity to give your teenager approval.
I’m amazed at how many adults left home without ever really feeling like their parents believed in them. Look for numerous opportunities to encourage their specific strengths and skills.
Having fun and spending quality time together is increasingly important as your relationship with your child changes. This week, find out what kind of activities your teenager likes, and schedule some intentional time together when you can simply enjoy being together.
And if you have other tips you’ve discovered about spending time with a teenage son or daughter, please post them in the comments so we can all learn from our shared experiences.
Reggie Joiner writes more at http://orangeparents.org and http://orangeleaders.com and that you can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/reggiejoiner.
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Teenagers in your children’s ministry
Posted on 16. Feb, 2010 by Kenny.
As children’s pastors, we all want ‘em. We’ve all got ‘em. We’ve all been frustrated with ‘em. Often times, we really don’t now what to do with them.
Here are the various types of teens I’ve had help in my children’s ministries. Perhaps you can identify.
The All-Star: This teenager is a rock star. They’re super involved. They’re committed as much if not more than your very best adult volunteer. They’re awesome at what they do and the kids LOVE them. When you look at them, you see “future children’s pastor written all over them.” You wish you had 20 more of them.
The Fixture: This is the teenager who’s excited about serving, even if they don’t show it. However, they’re often not a lot of help. This is the teenager that misses your presentation slides because he’s busy checking his facebook in the tech booth or the teen who’s texting in the toddler room while little Jonny’s got Lucy in a piranha bite to the arm. We like them because they’re better than nothing, but sometimes we wonder if they’re more work than they’re worth.
The MIA: This is the teenager who volunteers to serve in your ministry but never shows up when you need him or her. This teenager may quit without any reason and good luck ever getting a hold of him or her. This teens is notoriously unreliable and we get so frustrated with ourselves when we’ve become dependent on them. Our schedule may show that we’ve got enough workers in every room, but half of them are MIA Teens, so we know that it’s a crap shoot. The MIA may have All-Star or Fixture qualities, but the thing that defines them is their unreliability.
Would you agree that this is a pretty good assessment of your teenagers? Here’s how these teens have broken down in my experience. All-Stars are like diamonds. You love them dearly. They’re valuable. However, they’re pretty rare. Usually you’ll be pretty lucky to find more than a handful. Fixtures and MIAs are a dime a dozen. They’re everywhere and they’re really not hard to find. Sometimes you tend to have more Fixtures than MIAs and at other times it’t the other way around. Based on my experience though, I’ve seen the fixtures gravitate toward elementary and the MIAs populate early childhood. Why? Often times elementary is less work intensive. There’s the possibility that they’ll get to hang out in the tech booth and goof off for a service. They come every week because they like it, but they’re not necessarily that helpful. The MIAs tend to gravitate toward Early Childhood. I’m not exactly sure why, but all I know is that my Early Childhood directors have often been so frustrated by them.
Tomorrow let’s look into what might really be the problem and see if we can work out some kind of solution.
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Orange Leaders Forum (Part 2)
Posted on 26. Apr, 2009 by Kenny.
Reggie spent a few minutes talking about why students are dropping out of church.
We haven’t given them a better story as they aren’t as intrigued by our story. They’re more intrigued by the world’s story.
As a church, our power is that we can give them a better story. When they engage in this story, it’s less likely that they’ll walk away from their faith.
Reggie came back to this later in the day as he was talking about the three Dials:
- The Wonder Dial: Faith
- The Discover Dial: How truth affects my life
- The Passion Dial: How I serve
Too often in Student ministry, the wonder and discover dials are maxed but not the passion dial. This is a serious mistake. Teenagers need to know and see God work through them.
“Until you give a teenager something significant to do, they’ll never feel significant.”
I’m no expert in student ministry. All I know is what I experienced and some of the things that I have seen. However, as a teenager I got really involved in a mission agency and from the time I was 16-19, I spent nearly six months in India, Venezuela, Morocco and Russia. These trips impacted me to the core and no other experience shaped me like these did. Here is where I know in my heart that there is some truth to this. As a 16 year old I came back from a life-changing trip to Venezuela. While there I personally led hundreds to faith. I had a tangible sense that if I died the next day, I knew I would stand before God and I knew the words that he would say. “Well done good and faithful servant.” That’s pretty significant for a 16 year old.
Since then I’ve seen many different ministries. I’ve seen some really good kids invest a LOT of time and a LOT of money in Christian Leadership programs for the purpose of equipping them to be phenomenal leaders in the church. However, I’ve seen dozens of them flounder in their faith and make decisions that will lead to huge set-backs. They may come around eventually, but I’m seeing potential squandered. They’re great leaders, but their hearts haven’t been captured. What would it look like to capture their hearts first and let the leadership stuff come later?
So, how can we amp up that Passion Dial?
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Texting: Art or obsession?
Posted on 22. Aug, 2008 by Kenny.
About three years ago I got email on my phone. It was great. I could now communicate with people via email no matter where I was. Unfortunately, it was at that time when I started getting text messages from more and more people. This really annoyed me since I was paying $40 a month to get email and now people are sending me text messages. I even had some people with email enabled phones sending me text messages to my email enabled phone. Come on! That’s costing me $0.35 a message people!
I finally gave in. I no longer have email on my phone and I too text. It makes sense. If someone has a phone, they more than likely can get a text message. Chances are they don’t have email on that sucker.
Now I’ve come to the realization that teenagers really like to text. That is an understatement. When sending emails to all our volunteers, the 3 or 4 emails that bounce every month are the teenage email addresses. Why? They changed them? Why? They’ve had that email for two months and they’re so sick of being unicorns_with_tears_in_her_eyes@aol.com. Yes, you laugh because you’ve seen this. So what’s the best way to get a hold of a teenager? Text them!
Just last month I had two teenage girls from a previous church visit my family. They come from a big family. Right now there are 6 in the family on cell phones (Mom, Dad and four teenage daughters). Want to guess how many text messages were recorded on their bill (it was unlimited, so they weren’t charged individually)?
No really, guess!
35,000.
No, I didn’t put the comma in the wrong spot. I wrote it correctly. that is pretty close to 6,000 text messages for each phone. I’m sure the girls are texting more than their parents, so maybe they’re each closer to 7000 each. As unbelievable as this number is, I completely and totally believe it. While sitting in our living room talking one night, I watched their phones light up every minute with new incoming messages. While they were perfectly engaged in our conversation in our living room, they were also actively engaged in at least one other conversation over their phone. They don’t need to look at their phone. While at school, they can reach their hand in their bag and send a text without ever being noticed… they only need to pull the phone out to read incoming messages.
I often hear adults complain about how texting is ruining this generation. None of them know how to type with all their texting short hand. Honestly, didn’t they say similar things about Radio, TV and the internet? Our teenagers aren’t stupid, they can do both. Oh, and they’re more connected and networked than any of us.
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Kids these days…
Posted on 20. Aug, 2008 by Kenny.
I’ve got a few new posts coming out the next few days (over the weekend) that kind of relate. I feel like an old man even saying these words. “Kids these days are different.”
A lot has changed! This is totally not the teenage kids just 5 years ago and especially not the teenage kids 10 years ago. The merger of technology and adolescence has changed just about everything.
I don’t profess to know a whole lot about teenage culture… I feel like I’m really out of touch. That’s why I work with people who really know this culture. I feel like I have a much better feel for the younger kids. So the posts over these next few days are more of my observations that I’ve made these last few weeks about the teenage culture.
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Since we’re on the subject
Posted on 19. Apr, 2008 by Kenny.
Last week I discussed the concept of how we handle decisions and baptism with kids. Truthfully I only planned to write one post, but it kind of morphed into a week’s worth of posts. I still had a few thoughts I hadn’t finished sorting out. Actually some thoughts that were in my head originally but they never made it to my post. So today and tomorrow I’ll get these final thoughts out and move on to something else.
About two years ago a friend of mine told me about an experience he had as the youth pastor at a fairly large church in the mid-west. They would give invitations every week at their student ministry services. The church was big on evangelism. Leadership felt it was very important to get these kids baptized as quick as possible, lest they fall through the cracks. So, the staff was encouraged/required to try to make it happen that night. After students came forward to receive Christ, they would bring the kids to the back, dial their parent’s phone number on a cell phone and have the kids get permission to get baptized that night.
Can you imagine that conversation? “Hey mom! I came up tonight to become a Christian. They want me to get baptized right now. Can I?”
What kind of position does this put the parents in? Even if a parent declined because they want to be a part of the experience, they risk disappointing a teenager. They’re a teenager. They don’t want to let their youth pastor down who’s pressuring them to do the deal that night.
My friend told me that he felt like he was committing spiritual rape. Ouch. As he told me this story, I couldn’t help but feel burdened for these kids. What a mess. I know the church was well intentioned. They just wanted to see kids come to Christ and “seal the deal.” But how much damage was done in the process.
Again, this makes me re-evaluate how I handle this important but delicate task. I need to trust God more and resist the urge to “make” something happen.
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