I love my job.
I spent about 11 years as a Children’s Pastor and nearly seven as a NextGen Pastor. I feel like I’m pretty good at what I do. I was made for this. I’ve turned around ministries and built people and programs that have reached thousands. My passion to do what I do so well leads me to work hard. If I can be honest, I constantly struggle with working harder than I should. Sometimes I work on the weekend. Frequently I work in the evenings after everyone has gone to bed. It doesn’t feel like work. It’s fun. It’s a part of who I am.
But there’s a flaw.
As good as I feel that I am, I’m 100% replaceable.
I’m good, but I’m not that good. When I’m gone… and one day I will leave… they’ll find someone else.
It’s interesting how we can slave and fret and exhaust ourselves, but in the end, someone else will pick up what we drop.
If this is true, is it worth it? Shouldn’t I focus more of my energy on what no one else can do? Wouldn’t that be a higher priority? If I only have a limited time on this planet, shouldn’t I put more of me into the things that no one else can do?
So, what is it? What can only I do?
I’ve put some thought into this, but I can only come up with this one thing. I’m the only dad Titus and Genevieve will ever have. No one else can do what I do. I’m the only first husband Sara could ever have. 🙂 See what I did there?
This summer I took an amazing vacation with my family. I forgot about my job for an entire month and in that month of adventure of fun and rest I remembered something that I often forget. I love my family way more than I love my work. It sounds like an obvious statement, but it’s not a statement I always live. Why do I always say I’ll be home in 20 minutes and show up 45 minutes later? Why do I let my crazy busy week tire me so much that I neglect planning an awesome adventure for my family on our one day off together? Why do I miss as many bedtimes as I do? Yeah, I may say that I love my family more than I love my work, but my actions forget what my mouth says.
I’m not the only one, am I?
I’m the only dad Titus will ever have and he’ll only be seven years, four months and two days once. I can blow it with a ministry event and chances are – no one will remember it 10 years from now. I can blow it with my kid and chances are that they’ll remember it 30 years from now. Every morning I ask Genevieve if she slept well and if she dreamed about me. Every morning she says yes. How much longer will I hold this place in her heart? Ministry is great, but it hardly compares to this.
I’m only a year away from my wife knowing me longer than she didn’t know me. We’ve got our issues, but she’s still my favorite person on the world. We’ve got a good thing going and what’s important to me right now in ministry won’t matter nearly as much 20 years from now, but spoiling my grandkids with the love of my life – thats what I’ll treasure until my last breath.
As I get older, I’m learning that some very important things are less important than things I’m sacrificing to get them done.