This is kind of a weird post to write. Maybe it’s easy to take this the wrong way and if you feel yourself going there, you’re missing the point. I honestly think that mother’s day is much harder for people than we think it is. There’s no doubt about it, there’s no harder job than the job of being a mom. They give up so much to put their kids first and so many live with frustration, guilt and pain. However, mothers day isn’t always a joy filled day. For many, its a day that we remember loss and feel regret. Although having a day purely dedicated to honoring moms is in incredibly awesome idea, we can unintentionally hurt a significant portion of our crowd in our churches.
What do you mean?
There are more women who have experienced the anguish of misscarriage or infertility than you know. It’s a hidden pain. There is no funeral and most people don’t know of the loss and the defeat. Even moms who have since had children still mourn the loss of their unborn. It’s a painful enough day that many women avoid church on Mother’s Day because it’s not worth the feeling of loss they feel.
There’s a way we can honor moms that doesn’t isolate or cause pain. Having all the moms in the room stand up – absolutely not. Think of the woman who had 3 misscarriages and has given up on the dream of having her own child feels when she sits and watches everyone she wants to be stands up.
“However, we can acknowledge the wide continuum of mothers:
- To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
- To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
- To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
- To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
- To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
- To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
- To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
- To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
- To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
- To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
- To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
- To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
- To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
- To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
- To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
- To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
- And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you This Mother’s Day, we walk with you.
Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.”
This post was inspired by our own journey of disappointment and loss from multiple misscarriages and a brilliant post from Amy Young on the TimeWarpWife.com. The actual quote at the end of this post was originally posted on Amy’s blog messymiddle.com.
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